Why are there two different book covers?

Life is art. And for many, the things keeping us from being fully, creatively expressed in our lives are the same things that have so many living tepid, numb, “don’t-worry-it’ll-all-be- over-soon” existences.

The cover of this book is a perfect illustration of so many of the points made within.

We come into this world naked, innocent, the very essence of love. Granted a brief amount of time to revel in and enjoy this state, it isn’t long before we are being groomed to fit in and play by the rules. Suddenly, societal expectations have us looking out- side of ourselves for validation, acceptance, and love. And with all the judgment and modeling to which we are exposed, it isn’t long before we don a social mask. Now, we move around inside of our lives bumping up against other social masks, and the ability to experience a true, deep, honest connection with ourselves and others is all but lost.

Somewhere in our social conditioning guilt and shame is born, as we strive to be good enough, smart enough, pretty enough— whatever our personal yardstick may be trying to measure.

We quickly learn what to think, rather than how to think for ourselves. Early on, feelings and emotions become something to tolerate and suppress, rather than honored as valuable energy that informs and empowers us. Right alongside the mental and emotional disconnect comes a disassociation from our bodies, and the inability to deeply listen to the truth that resonates within.

Rather than loving and honoring the skin we are in, we look at our reflection with varying degrees of criticism and self-loathing. Mass media perpetuates this.

The body is the subconscious mind. Our shape, holding patterns and ability to be comfortable in our own skin is a direct reflection of the thoughts we hold in our minds. Rather than relax into our bodies and let life’s energy move through us, we contract and resist; the tension building until ultimately manifesting into dis-ease.

Not only are our physical bodies affected by this social conditioning, our very perception of reality is a product of everything we have experienced, witnessed and been taught to believe. And now we judge—not only ourselves but everyone and everything around us. It is so much a part of us it’s become automatic, most of us unaware that we are even doing it.

This is the social condition: disconnection from ourselves, dis- connection from each other; unconscious guilt and shame censoring our every move and decision. Gone is that naked, innocent, freely expressed being we came into this world as.

My first love was a brilliant artist. He still is actually—brilliant, that is. I remember visiting him while he was in art school, and marveling every time he showed me his work. Of particular interest were the classes he took on how to draw the human form. I remember flipping through his sketches of nude models thinking how cool it would be to be as talented as he. But the thoughts that immediately followed were always about the nude models, and how bold and courageous they were. Somewhere in the back of my mind the thought was, “someday, when I grow up, I’m going to do that.” For me I think it represented a rite of passage—from a timid, self- conscious young girl to a confident, self-possessed woman.

So several years ago, when I learned of a class at the Maitland Art Center in Central Florida called HOW TO BECOME AN ARTISTS MODEL, it seemed like the most organic, natural thing to do. Having just finished my first skydiving trip specifically designed to give me an opportunity to look at what I do in my life in the face of fear, I thought it was a terrific opportunity to continue to expand my comfort zone, and become even more comfortable in my own skin. The class is designed to prepare men and women to potentially make money modeling nude for artists and art classes, but I never did it for that reason. For me it was a symbolic move . . . an empowering move. I questioned whether I would ever really do any- thing else with that experience other than use it as fuel for myself internally.

Then, I started to create the cover of this book in my mind. With the title, Showing Up Naked, naturally the thought of putting some sort of tasteful nude image on the cover came to mind. I thought of all the beautiful, artistic nudes I had seen over the years, and it was a short distance from there to the thought of modeling for the cover myself. After all, the book is about living so authentically, its like we’re showing up naked. If the material inside is intended to take others on a journey of self discovery, and ultimately to a place of self liberation and comfort with themselves, why would I put any- thing else on the cover? And why hire a model to make a statement that I, myself, am comfortable making? After all, I wrote the book.

But posing nude was the easy part. Apparently I’ve been a free thinker long enough now to forget that many people are not—at least not yet. Many are still stuck in a perspective after a lifetime of being taught to color inside the lines. This is the whole point of the book. The mixed responses I received were the perfect illustration of how hard we make it for people to be themselves. It is reminiscent of childhood, when we started to hear messages telling us to stop being so much of “that”; or to be more like “this.”

While the cover was bold, I never expected the interesting array of responses it garnered. It was an amazing social experiment that showed me why so many of us do walk around behind a social mask. It isn’t always easy to show up naked—literally or figuratively!

Due to the wildly varying emotional reactions and even outright judgments the cover seemed to elicit from so many, I knew I had hit a nerve, and it became clear that the material within had chosen the perfect cover with which to introduce itself. I stand by my choice to let the human form, tastefully and artistically presented, speak for itself. Whatever meaning one chooses to impose on it is up to them.

This is a book about breaking free of the social conditioning, becoming comfortable in our own skin, liberated from the need to ask for permission to be ourselves. This is a book about complete and total self acceptance, and living without guilt or the need to apologize for who we are.

From cover to cover this book will challenge you to let go, layer by layer shedding that which is not true until all that is left is the same naked, innocent, loving presence you always were—buried beneath the layers of inauthenticity you were taught you needed.

This is a process; one I have been taking people through for over a decade. I am able to do this effectively because it is one with which I myself am familiar. Even the writing of this book went through a process of getting naked, as I learned to stay true to my own vision and voice in spite of the best intentions of others.

There were those that wanted me to say more or less of some- thing. More than one “right” way to do this was offered, in some cases less tactfully and respectfully than others.

But the cover opened up a whole new can of worms. As the responses it elicited varied from respect and admiration for being bold and daring, to aggression and judgmental dismissal for those very same reasons.

One of my favorite quotes is: “Life is your canvas. Throw all the paint on it you can.”

My intention was simple. Yes, I wanted the cover to be beautiful and artistic, as that’s how I see life, and I wanted the imagery to be uncompromisingly true to the content inside, while being striking enough to stand alone as art. I wanted people to be drawn—not by an erotic, seductive image—but by an image of warm, open vulnerability and strength. And when they turned the book over to learn more, that brief moment should speak to something deep inside of them. Then, when they read the book, it would take them on a jour- ney, and through a process, that would change their lives. I want this book to deliver every step of the way. My mission with this project, and really all of the work that I do, is to make others think, and inspire them to evolve into a more expanded, liberated version of themselves.

I couldn’t do this if I was willing to compromise my own integrity. So in the spirit of “walking the talk,” my image on the cover was left entirely raw and un-retouched save some minor color corrections. In my life I choose clothing, jewelry and make-up that allows me to express myself. I followed the same approach with the cover image. While I did wear make-up, I kept every perceived “flaw.” 

Marketing execs and photographers with the best of intentions and genuine concern warned me against using what could be seen as such a provocative picture on the cover as it might send the wrong message, or not to use a un-retouched image as it was “unflattering.” As one professional put it, “every marketing image you see is photoshopped.” Along with the following email, a highly doctored version, one more indicative of a Revlon Ad, was recommended.

“If your ultimate objective is being true to the title of your book I respect your honesty however I must voice my concern about what may appear to be a very unflattering image if subtle Photoshop adjustments are not made. Responses to the new un-retouched cover could backfire and become a less enticing motivating factor in that critical ‘decision to buy’ nanosecond . . . very subtle Photoshop work would be a happy medium and present a nice balance while simultaneously allowing you to remain true to the title.”

At 39 years of age there was that part of me that liked the idea of re-touching the image to remove “imperfections” and signs of aging, but that would have been inauthentic, and perpetuated the epidemic lack of self-love and acceptance so pervasive in our society.

Warnings ranging from “It’s too seductive” to “its an unflattering image” only served to prove so many of the points made within the book it quickly became clear I had to keep it. Whatever your reaction to the cover is, a good question to ask yourself is: Why do I feel this way? The answer to that question has more to do with you than it does with the imagery that evoked it.

In my ongoing effort to live as transparently as I can, to show up naked so to speak, I go out on a limb here in the hopes that oth- ers might join me. Not by physically getting naked, but by honestly, boldly and bravely peeling away the layers to their authentic selves. Then together we can be so happy, liberated and free we are like children, and the world is our playground.

If I were to change that cover now, to satisfy the wants and needs of everyone out there, instead of being guided from a place within, I would have to rewrite the entire book.

With that being said . . .

My ultimate objective is to get this book into as many hands as possible, because I believe in the material and the impact it can have on people’s lives. So, I wanted to create this alternate book cover, out of respect for those who would feel more comfortable leaving it sitting on their coffee table, or gifting it to their mother: a Win-Win solution to an interesting dilemma.

This is a book about being transparent. But it’s also about being freely expressed; to unapologetically, confidently and kindly claim our space in this world; to free ourselves of guilt, shame and the need for approval; to live our lives fully and completely, no longer waiting for something to happen, or for permission to be who we are. We are meant to be loved, abundant and joyful. It’s time to start dreaming big again. Surround yourself with people that are going to support you. And the next time someone asks you why you did something, let your answer be, “Because I wanted to.”

“As we peel the layers of the onion of our consciousness we arrive at the core of our being . . . our true nature . . . our essence . . . the truth of who we really are. The journey inwards can be the most arduous, the most challenging but the most rewarding. As we behold those souls to whom we are attracted . . . either in a positive or negative way . . . we see in them a mirror of those aspects of us which need to be extolled and those which need to be healed.”

—Nick Ralls